Deciding who you’ll marry is a huge decision. Sometimes people “just know” when they are with that person…but others are less sure. And being unsure is totally normal! But if you fall into that category and are trying to figure things out, here are 10 signs that your partner just might not be marriage material…
Photo via Oden and Janelle Photography
1. When you imagine your future together, you imagine him or her changing in a LOT of ways. If you’re telling yourself that everything will be different once you’re married—he or she will finally start prioritizing you over his friends, support your career goals, be able to hold down a job, etc.—ask yourself whether you could be with him, exactly as he or she is now, for the rest of your life. Because a wedding isn’t a magic wand that makes people grow up.
2. Your S.O. is mean to you. You know that person who insults you and then says they are “joking” and that you’re “too sensitive” when your face turns red and your eyes start filling with tears? Yeah, that person should not be your life partner. Run.
3. You’re afraid of being alone. When everyone else around you is pairing off and having kiddos, it can be easy to build your sweetheart up into The One in your mind. But being married to someone who doesn’t set your heart on fire is incredibly lonely—far lonelier than being uncoupled.
4. You don’t feel like yourself when you’re with your partner. Growing and changing is a natural part of life, but sometimes those changes feel forced and wrong. You shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not to keep your partner happy. Similarly, if you find that you don’t like how you behave when you’re with him (you feel insecure and needy, you’re always irritable, etc.), it might be a bad sign.
5. Your friends and family don’t like your better half. Sometimes disapproval can be generational, or rooted in shallow judgments that you know to be unfair. But if your friends and family all disapprove of your partner, it’s worth hearing them out and taking their objections seriously.
6. Your significant other is disrespectful. Whether he’s rude to your friends, to your dog, to the waiter, or to entire populations, disrespect (or, worse—bigotry) is not a good quality in a life partner.
7. You don’t feel good enough for your partner. Your other half should absolutely inspire you to be a better person. But if you constantly feel like you’ll never be smart enough, attractive enough, or rich enough, you’ll grow resentful and unhappy… and will eventually want to be with someone who makes you feel like you’re enough, just as you are.
8. You don’t trust each other. If one of you is compelled to read the other’s texts and check their Facebook and give the third-degree after a night out, you need to get to the root of why there’s so much snooping. Is it because you truly believe your partner is being shady? Is it his insecurity showing through? Whatever the reason, it’s not a good sign. (And if your partner is constantly checking in on your personal accounts, you could be in an abusive relationship).
9. She doesn’t want to marry you. Marriage is a big step and it’s completely fine if you aren’t ready for it at the same time. But if you’ve been waiting and waiting (and waiting) for her to come around and she isn’t comfortable talking about marriage or gives you a vague, “Sure, someday” when you bring it up, you might both need to be honest with yourselves.
10. You know in your gut that he’s not the one for you. We can’t tell you how many divorced people have told us, “I remember thinking on my wedding day, Well, I can always get a divorce.” If your gut is telling you this person isn’t your person, you should listen.
—By Rachel W. Miller
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