8 Tips That Will Help You Be an Amazing Maid of Honor

So you’ve been asked to be the Maid of Honor at a wedding. Congrats! While this is a huge honor, it’s not one that should be taken lightly. The bride picked you for a reason (and no, it’s not just because you’re her bestie); you’re the person she’s counting on to help get her to the big day in one piece. (No pressure.) Of course, there will be times throughout the planning process when she’ll push your buttons and rely a little too much on you, but at the end of the day, you wouldn’t have it any other way. Here are eight tips that will help you step up your MOH game. Because, Loverlies, it’s go time!

8 Tips That Will Help You Be an Amazing Maid of Honor

Photo by Katie Grant

1. Offer to do it. Offer to do it. Offer. To. Do. It. There’s no such thing as being TOO helpful when it comes to weddings. Even if the bride doesn’t explicitly ask for your help, it can’t hurt to extend your services. Chances are she has her hands full and could really use some support. So whatever “it” is — from figuring out what flowers are in season on her ceremony date to finding an Etsy woodworker who will make a custom topper for the groom’s cake — offer to take that item off her list.

2. Don’t ask for reminders. The point of offering to help is to make the bride’s life easier. So don’t add to her stress by asking for follow-up emails explaining what she needs you to do and reminders about where she needs you to be and when. Follow the bride’s lead when it comes to staying organized. If she’s using Lover.ly, ask to see her bundles. If she’s using Google Docs, ask for access. Make sure your tasks don’t become one more thing she has to keep track of herself.

3. Listen to the bride when it comes to bachelorette party parameters. When she says no strippers, illicit activities or anything that resembles a scene from “The Hangover 2”? She probably means it. Of course, there are ways to (tastefully) work around any rules she sets…a visit from a ManServant or a nude figure drawing class at The Artful Bachelorette will satisfy a buttoned-up bride-to-be and her randiest friends.

4. It’s totally fine to delegate. Just because you’re the MOH doesn’t mean everything is solely your responsibility; you’re just the bride’s point of contact. So feel free to pass some shower-planning duties off to her Godmother, her stepmother or a favorite aunt. Also, remember that you don’t have to throw down your card for every expense (hello, bachelorette party) or incidental charge! Your job is to be there for the bride emotionally and physically, not financially back her. You should be comfortable asking the other bridesmaids to chip in, and if things start to become too expensive, it’s okay to talk to the bride.

5. But you also need to know when to take charge. Remember: You’re the H.B.I.C. for a reason. So act like it. (Not sure what H.B.I.C means? Head Bridesmaid in Charge.) It’s your job to protect and serve. If a fellow bridesmaid is causing some unnecessary drama, step in and tell her to knock it off. When the seamstress just isn’t getting what alterations the bride-to-be wants, try to help explain. Field questions, intercept rude people, and help get stuff done. The bride is looking to you to help manage her stress, assist with any planning needs, and be there to enjoy the entire process with her, so whether you’re genuinely over-the-moon excited or just really happy for her, show up.

6. Say nice things about the person she’s going to marry. The countdown to wedding day is full of emotional ups and downs. Some days, the bride will be in engagement heaven about her beau (and will want someone to listen to her go on about how happy she is), and other days, she’ll be…er, not so much. She might not experience cold feet, but it’s totally normal if she starts to question everything. Wedding planning is hard, after all. So let her vent, but those are the times when reminding her that she’s making the right decision will count the most. She’ll thank you. Her fiancé will thank you. Their future children will thank you.

7. …or don’t say anything at all. This one’s going to raise a few eyebrows, but if you absolutely can’t stand the person she’s marrying you’ve made your concerns known to her in the past, then it’s time to let it go. The days and months leading up to the wedding are filled with stressful decision-making efforts and emotionally-charged conversations. Loyalties may shift and fights may happen, but you don’t want to ruin your friendship because of a wedding. So remember that whether you’re at the bridal shower, bachelorette party or wedding, bathroom stalls are NOT the time to vent (about the bride, groom, mother-of-the-bride or anyone else). So choose your words (and your silence) wisely.

8. Remember to have some “you” moments too. An MOH can only do so much. You have your limits, just like everybody else. So budget time and resources to pamper yourself a little bit before the wedding. You deserve to #treatyoself. Go for a mani/pedi after a loooong day of assisting the bride. Enjoy your mimosa on the morning of the wedding. Spend time with your date and your other friends on the dance floor. Your BFF needs to be able to count on you in a pinch, but ultimately, she wants you to be able to enjoy the wedding. So you do you…just be readily available in case the bride needs a second set of eyes on that florist contract and/or has to pee at any point during the reception (yes, you’ll probably be asked to hold up her dress!).

Now get out there and have fun like it’s your job. Because from where we sit? It is.

A version of this post was originally published on Lover.ly on August 11, 2014. It was written by Tiffany J. Davis and contributed to by Claire Aven.

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