When you think about planning your wedding, you’re all like “So! Much! Fun!” Your partner? Not so much. Some people look at wedding planning like it’s a chore. When it comes to design, décor, and pretty details, they just don’t know where to start — and just don’t really care to know. And while the bulk of the planning will likely fall into your capable hands, you’ll still want your partner to be as involved as possible. Since, you know, this isn’t just your wedding. Here’s how to make planning a joint endeavor with only a little grumbling from your other half. Hey, he or she may even end up loving the process as much as you do.
Photo by Laura Barnes Photo
Don’t force the issue. So your partner isn’t into party planning (or any kind of planning, for that matter). That’s okay — some people just don’t get why it’s necessary to plan one’s nuptials months (or years) in advance. Lecturing your partner on why all of the prep work is important, however, won’t get them to shift their mindset. Nor will putting your foot down, forcing them to help you plan. Be cool about it and so will your partner.
Be positive about the process. It can be tempting to adopt your partner’s exasperated view of planning as an attempt to level with him or her. But turning planning into a negative experience actually confirms their inner fears about the process. Instead, keep things upbeat and stay excited whenever you talk about planning those big day details. Your partner will naturally be happy that you’re happy and want to contribute wherever possible. Excitement is contagious!
Keep wedding talk to-the-point and focus on tasks when they actually need to be handled now. You may be stressed about a certain aspect of the planning process and vent to your partner about it months before an actual decision needs to be made — it happens. But try to keep your stress in check, for your own sake and for your partner’s. When you’re having a planning sesh together, stay focused on the agenda and tackle the to-dos that really do need your attention now. Otherwise, your partner might feel like you’re wasting his or her time. Plus, staying present will help avoid any unnecessary wedding-related fights. It’s a win-win, really!
If your partner just doesn’t care about the flowers, stop asking for their opinion about the flowers. Look, your partner probably won’t know whether your bouquet is made up of ranunculus or garden roses. And he or she probably doesn’t care. At. All. Once your partner makes it clear to you that you’re running the show on a certain task, just take it and run with it. Your partner isn’t trying to blow you off be a jerk; he or she just legitimately does not have a thoughtful opinion to offer up. Which is TOTALLY fine!
Give your partner ownership over something he or she cares about. If your lady loves music, let her source and choose a DJ. If your guy is all about desserts, ask him to take the reigns on your cake. And then really step back and give your partner the freedom to choose what he or she thinks is best. Sure, you might end up with something that’s not exactly your taste (or what you would have picked out yourself) but, then again, this wedding is about BOTH of you. Besides, giving your other half a task and trusting him or her with it is good practice for the rest of your life. Which is what this whole wedding thing is about anyway, right?
— By Natasha Burton
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